I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
