Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
