we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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