trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
