i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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