why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
