I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
