So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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