broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
