my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
