The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He? As in you personified your dick?
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