this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
