I think im going to throw up on grandma
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
