I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
