Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
