Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
