Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
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That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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