Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
