i just wanna soil my oats bro
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
