Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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