...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize
