It's Friday. Sex?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
