whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
