We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
