I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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