she woke up with a sticky ear
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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