Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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