Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
