have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Cover your peen. We're going out.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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