when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
