Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
