so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
i think i just lost a toe
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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