i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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