He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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