What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
