meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
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I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
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Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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