Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I want to make a zoo with you.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
