Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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