I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
