Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
