people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Did I show you my penis last night?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
