He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
