Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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