you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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