I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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