i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
