Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
