who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
And then he peed in my hair
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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