I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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