I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
