and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
