capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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