I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
