Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Randomize
