Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
