To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police scanner is talking about you again....
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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