Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Every concussion has its silver lining
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
