Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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