Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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