The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
