i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
