im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
