i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
