Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
