I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
