there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
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