My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
