He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
