A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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