I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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