I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I didn't notice because vodka
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
