i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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