I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
