I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
