my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you win again, gameday.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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