Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Randomize
