a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
