I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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