His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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