im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
