gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
